In my humble opinion, one should be sick or not sick. The in between is miserable. You’re pathetic if you whine about it, it’s not enough to skip work…but you still feel just a little bit miserable. The past couple weeks I’ve had an earache on and off, but now it is definitely my throat. Someone shoved sandpaper down there and failed to ask me how I felt about the situation. Somewhat lacking in adequate medical insurance (or the inclination to pay for an actual doctor’s visit), I’ve been resorting to the at-home treatments.

My personal favorite, taught to me by my mother, is that of sucking on bits of chocolate. The chocolate, you see, coats your throat. I can manage this amazingly easily, but at night each piece leaves me compelled to get out of bed and brush my teeth to ward off evil cavities. Every single time. I simply can’t stand it.

My old history teacher, Mr. Glenn, once taught me a gem of a trick- heat up orange juice. It’s definitely yummy and soothing, and you get that extra kick of vitamin C to boot. But turns out orange juice does not boil, and if you’re not careful you can overheat this soothing liquid into molten lava quicker than you can dribble it all over your chin in painful surprise. I’ve scalded my tongue more than a few times. What’s more, I’m currently out of orange juice.

Then, of course, there are cough drops. If they have an ounce of menthol in them, it’s tough for me to hold them on my tongue. The overwhelming power of that stuff infuses my nose and mouth with a power that takes my breath away, and I hate smelling of cough drops. The handy Ludens cherry cough drops that I’ve loved ever since I was a child provide a good alternative to their unpleasant cousins. I pop them like candy, and unfortunately I think that’s really about all they are. 

My point? Really, there is none. Just letting this post hang around like my little pseudo sickness.