So I’m going to tell you something not-sexy about myself. (obviously this is the only not-sexy thing about me) I get cold feet. Quite literally. I’ll be sitting around, minding my business, fully clothed, socked, and shoed, and if my surroundings are one iota less than cozy, my little toes get unbearably cold. Like, hard to wiggle, start to hurt, want to dunk them in hot water to thaw them, cold.
It’s a funny little thing, the hot water bottle. Last year, I was shocked–shocked–to go to Target and discover that not only did not a single employee know what I was talking about (not a water bottle, you idiot, a HOT water bottle), but Target did not stock them at all! I was dumbfounded. Hot water bottles were a staple in my home when I was growing up. You use them to soothe tummy-aches and cramps and COLD FEET. No one in my family bothered to tell me this was a closely guarded secret. No one told me that hot water bottles were not only nearly forgotten but entirely not-cool. I’m here to challenge that.
These things are the bomb dot com… and other things equally as cool as saying bomb dot com. Not the fancy $100 one I have pictured, but just the boring red rubber ones from Walgreens (be careful not to buy the one that comes with an enema because that’s awkward). You fill one of those puppies up with hot water, tighten that little cap up real tight, and slide it under your sheets at the foot of your bed. When you tuck yourself in at night, your cold little feet will just curl in delight to find a warm pocket of sheets down where it’s usually the coldest. You will practically fall to sleep on the spot out of delirious joy. And in the morning? When you’re freezing? You’ll remember that little hot water bottle, which will still be warm, and you will never want to get out of bed ever, ever again.
So there you go. My not-sexy secret is out. I could very well gift them to all of you this Christmas, and you know what? You would have every right to be thrilled.