1. I sucked my thumb until I was in 4th grade.
2. I once stole a hot pink Barbie shoe from a friend’s house because my Barbie was missing one of hers.
3. Swimming in lake water kind of freaks me out. I’ll do it, but I’m secretly waiting for a catfish the size of a car to eat me.
4. One time in 3rd grade a kid was picking on me and I responded with “At least I can read.” He cried. I still feel guilty.
5. I once bargained with God that I would eat vegetables if He would make a certain boy like me. It never happened, so NO DICE, GOD.
6. A teacher once fell down a flight of stairs while walking in front of me and I just stepped over him and kept going without acknowledging it. At the time, I actually thought I doing him a favor by sparing him his dignity, but seeing as he’d just rolled down a flight of stairs…
7. I went through a phase where I loved wolves, so my old bedroom had framed posters of wolves all over it. I also had horses, a guitar, and wanted a truck. Oh, and I wanted a wolfdog. I was basically on the highway to being an American-Italian Presbyterian hick and loved it.
8. Any type of commercial about soldiers coming home makes me burst into sobs. Those ASPCA commercials, too.
Now I yell loudly until I’m able to flip the channel. It works well.
9. When I was little I’d throw towels over my head and stare at myself in the mirror and pretend to be the Virgin Mary.
10. I grew up singing classy musical numbers like “Tits and Ass” (a song about plastic surgery from A Chorus Line) and “You Gotta Get a Gimmick” (a song about how to be a successful stripper in Gypsy). I’d dance and jump around on my trampoline singing the lyrics and my mother would stick her head out the back door and say, “Not so loud, Jo.”