-Out and about and get an uncomfortable feeling? Put your phone in your pocket just in case you get mugged. Then when the heartless brute leaves you presumedly possessionless and in a panic-stricken mess, you can still whip out your lifeline and call somebody for help, for goodness sake.

-Enter the bank/gas station/drug store/dark theater and feel that prickle on the back of your neck? Scan the room for a place to duck for cover should a deranged maniac start shooting up the joint.

-Impending bad weather have you concerned? Evaluate the innermost windowless room/deepest ditch to throw yourself into before the tornado comes. Carefully weigh the delicate balance of prematurely running for cover and being mocked versus being The One Who Heeded the Warning and Lived.

-Drowsily nearingĀ vulnerable peaceful slumber when you begin to feel wary? Resist the urge until the very brink of unconsciousness before finally getting up to double-check that all ovens, locks, and electrical appliances are as they should be. Because the one time you don’t make that final check will probably end in fire/burglary/unspeakable horrors.

-Come across a piece of wrapperless gum in your purse in a flavor you don’t remember purchasing? If you can’t find another piece of gum and are desperate enough, inspect closely and chew warily. Finally give in to wondering about disease or the odds of someone poisoning it and slipping it into your purse for kicks and giggles. Even though you know logic should win this one, spit said gum out to be safe. Swig some water to dilute any traces of possible poison or germs, just in case it works that way.

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