After that calendar flips past January 1, I’m pretty much over it being cold outside. Now that I do not attend school and get snow days, this whole “snow in the forecast and temperatures in the teens” thing pretty much does nothing for me. I despise it like I despise realizing a pickle has gotten pickle juice on my previously edible food.

Please bring in warmer weather and sunshine at your earliest convenience. The t-shirts and open-toed shoes in my closet mock me. ¬†My almost-but-not-quite olive skin is a sickly, jaundiced shade of PALE. Let’s not even talk about the dry, static hair hovering over my head like I’m Medusa. I need sunshine, I need warmth, I need to be laying on a boat on a lake flipping through girly magazines and gossiping with girlfriends about how much we love/hate/love/hate the existence of the male sex.

Please take my desires into your future consideration before you churn out another forecast as disgusting as this current one. This is ALABAMA. Act accordingly. And if you could also talk to Father Time and get the months to churn by a little quicker up until April or May that would be much appreciated. It’s pretty much owed to us because we got gypped with the whole rain-the-entire-month-of-August thing last summer. I’m still bearing a grudge.

Now excuse me while I sneak off to the grocery store on my lunch hour before everyone else panics and goes into their “must hoard nourishment to survive two inches of snow” mode because I for one have been gone for two weeks and am legitimately out of food.

Thanks for nothing,
An irked victim of your merciless whims.