friend: You need to write a hilarious post today.
me: …I have nothing to write about.
friend: Here’s something you could write about:
friend: As I’ve been talking about everything ahead of me lately, I have repeatedly said that “I’m trying to climb a mountain one bite at a time.”
friend: Translation: That is a combination of “climb a mountain one step at a time” and “eat an elephant one bite at a time.”
me: Wait, so what am I blogging about?
friend: Just that I’m retarded.
me: Oh, that you were saying that…?
friend: “You know, I’m just trying to eat a mountain one bite at a time and be smart enough to start my own business and everything…you know, I’m really talented…”
friend: “…so talented, in fact, that I frequently mix up and confuse common colloquialisms.”
me: (realization dawns)
me: I think the real thing to point out is that your much less talented friend didn’t pick up on the impossibility of that phrase at all. Until just now.
me: Which may be why you’re starting your own business and I’m just trying to scrape by.
friend: Whatever, you’re not less talented you’re just not crazy.
me: I’ll conceed to that.
me: Concede.* Damn.