I went home over the weekend (by the time I actually get around to posting this, it’s been two weekends) and devoted it to spending quality time with my friends and family. This translated into one fabulous spend-the-night sesh with my friend Ansley, a vacation planning meeting with my father, endless rounds of gin rummy and 50’s movies with my dear mother, and one harrowing Starbucks coffee run with my big sis. 

Now that post-college life has officially ruined my ability to sleep past 8 a.m., it seemed like not that much of an imposition to agree to meet my sister at said Starbucks at a very reasonable 9 a.m. I got myself out of bed before my alarm went off (thank the pee-pot puppy for that one), dressed, and even opted to walk to the Starbucks conveniently placed at the corner of my subdivision. After what has seemed to be months of rain, I breathed in the smog muggy dewy Atlanta morning that I know and like well enough and set forth happily to my destination.

I tend to retreat to my own little world when taking solitary walks such at these, and it is safe to assume I was in the middle of  constructing some fabulously shallow life for myself in my little head (think Hugh Jackman, Italy, fabulous clothes I can’t afford, or any combination of the three) when I was suddenly jolted out of my reverie. It’s one of those instances that happened so fast that my brain couldn’t separate the synapses fired off by my unsuspecting senses. Did I just hear something rush by the back of my legs or did I feel it–perhaps the two occurred simultaneously? In any case, something happened, and it made me stop in my tracks. My desperately trying to catch up brain sent out a half-second long stream of consciousness that went something like this:

Did something just narrowly miss cutting my legs off? No, it was kinda whispery…Bow and arrow? Okay, Josie, seriously…Nerf ball…some kid must be hiding in the bushes and shooting a Nerf ball…wait, no, that’s just a…*squint*…what is that? What is coming straight at me? Hm, that bird looks ticked. Wait, he’s coming at ME! What is that God-awful screaming he’s making?Bird!Nest!Beak! Holycraphe’sgoingtopeckmetodeath! KEEPYOURHANDSATTHELEVELOFYOUREYES!RUN!RUN!RUN!

I don’t remember much after that. I think I might have stuck my head into my purse and bolted across the parking lot, but I can’t confirm hazy details like that as precisely factual. The point being, however, is that somehow I escaped/devil bird chased me out of the parking lot. When I reached the sanctum of Starbucks I got a glimpse of myself in the tinted window. I’m assuming the adrenaline that pumped through my veins so violently was building pressure behind my eyes, causing them to bulge that way. Wisps of hair stuck out at odd angles, but what else is new. I smoothed my hair, took a breath, and walked through the doors like nothing happened. Still, after Liza and I were done with our coffee I had her drive me home. Unnaturally vicious bird: 1, Josie: 0

….But if we were really going to be honest it’s more like Nature: 94028, Josie: 1 (I’m alive, that counts for something, right?).